Friday, August 16, 2019

My Story (Sort of, But Also Not Really)

I've been very cautious in creating this blog. I don't want it to be about me or my personal experiences, but I do want it to be informed by them, because my goal is to reach or somehow benefit those who may have similar experiences and vulnerabilities.

So here's the thing that I should finally just say (rather than constantly hint at): I'm someone directly affected by this issue. I experienced significant personal trauma prior to entering the legal profession (and even some afterwards) that has affected me on an ongoing basis and will continue to affect my health and well-being for the foreseeable future.

So there's my big (albeit somewhat empty and anti-climactic) confession. But here's what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean that I was or am any less competent, hard-working, fair-minded, ethical, or principled than anyone else who doesn't happen to have a similar background. As someone who has contributed for 15 years in this profession, I have always taken great care to maintain a high degree of self-awareness of the ways in which my own background has shaped the way I see the world, even when I wasn't handling those issues in a way that was protective of my own well-being.

I recently reached the point where it finally became necessary for me to face my issues in a more targeted way to preserve my own health and ability to continue with my work (something I wish I had done earlier for the sake of my own wellness).  Upon realizing this, I took the difficult step of seeking some professional assistance (including the diagnostic component, which was undoubtedly long overdue) and taking some necessary time away. But my ability to make a contribution to this profession with the attributes that have served me well to this point has not changed. When my health permits, I will return, and be the same lawyer I was before (if not better).

So there it is. No details of my personal trauma. No story of the particular ways in which my struggles have affected me. Just a basic acknowledgment of "yes, me too." That's enough for me for now, although I can certainly see how sharing more details of my struggles could maybe be helpful to others (sometimes I'm not sure). Whether I will ever wish to do so in more detail is not known yet even to me. But I thought I should at least share this much to clearly send the message to anyone else in the same position that you are not alone and if you need to know that there is a colleague who understands, I'm here.

Note that I subsequently added some more details about my own experiences. For instance:

-My experiences in law school (2001-2004)
-An experience I had as a young lawyer
-Some comments on my experience of the intersection of vicarious trauma and personal trauma

As always, please note that I am a lawyer, not a mental health professional of any kind. I have no expertise in trauma or mental health. Also, please note that any opinions and views expressed in this blog are solely my own and are not intended to represent the views or opinions of my employer in any way. For more information about the purpose of this blog, please see here and for a bit more information about my personal perspective on this issue, please see "my story" here

I am very grateful to have received a "Clawbie" Award for this blog (which reflects the importance of this topic): https://www.clawbies.ca/2019-clawbies-canadian-law-blog-awards/

For some of my external writing on this topic, see:  
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