Things are scary right now, and it's okay to be affected by that. In fact, I think it's critical that we recognize those impacts and take them seriously. In accordance with the public health directions, most of us are, of course, (I hope) doing all we can to remain home unless absolutely necessary, and to take precautions when we absolutely must venture out for essentials. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be able to acknowledge (and maybe even complain about) how incredibly painful and difficult this can be for everyone, and for some more than others.
Self-isolating and "social distancing" is difficult, especially for those who were already struggling with feeling alienated, isolated, and alone.
The messaging around this has often tended to assume that most people have safe comfortable homes, families and loved ones with whom to remain socially distant from those outside their "household." Often the message simple says: "Stay home with your family." But not everyone has family nearby, and/or a stable home, and, for some, more time with family and/or in their home environment is not healthy for a variety of reasons (including but not limited to abuse, unhealthy living conditions, and other pressures and strains on relationships, especially as people are facing severe financial hardship and uncertainty, and increased anxiety/fear).
If you already suffer from PTSD or another mental health issue, this may very well be an exceptionally triggering, difficult time. I'm noticing it in myself, hearing about it from others, and observing it in my contacts, sometimes in very alarming ways.
For those with PTSD, the current circumstances may be ultra-triggering for a variety of reasons that I'm not going to be able to exhaustively describe (and won't try). For example, for some, the current chaos and uncertainty replicate childhood realities and fears. Further, the feeling of being trapped in a situation that can't be escaped can remind people of the trauma they experienced, whatever it may have been.
And for those of us with a tendency to be viciously hard on ourselves, this can be accompanied by a harsh inner voice demanding that we just suck it up and stop "indulging" our own pain given what's going on in the world. We may feel we should just shut up and do our part and not be a drain on anyone's energy or resources. We may feel we shouldn't seek professional help when those professionals are already overburdened (or about to be overburdened) by the current crisis.
It's true we all need to do our part to preserve our own health and the health of the more vulnerable. A necessary part of that is by practicing physical distancing, but that can't be all of it. There are also very vulnerable people and circumstances that are not visible in the statistics that we are all so carefully watching. It's important that we pause to seriously consider, listen for, discuss, and address those impacts as well. We can care about stopping the spread of a potentially devastating physical illness while also paying attention to the other ways in which our own health and the health of those around us may be affected, perhaps even devastated, by the extreme, but necessary, measures that we're taking.
Some of my own random very basic ideas about how we can all do our part in a more inclusive way from the comfort and safety of our own homes (this will absolutely not be exhaustive, given the limits of my own experience/perspective):
- Let's take extra care to be inclusive in our messaging. Let's not make any assumptions that people have a shared social reality or that we are all similarly affected. For example: let's recognize from the outset that not everyone has someone to spend their isolation with. Not everyone has safe stable housing. We aren't all going to be able to "spend more time in our homes with our families" or for some who may end up having to do so, it may be anything but healthy. Let's avoid importing the assumptions about what "normal" looks like into our messaging, thereby making people feel more alienated, isolated, and alone. Let's avoid talking in an "us" and "them" way as well about the more vulnerable as if the primary messaging is directed to the "we" that are going to be least affected, and the less vulnerable are "others" of whom we should all be thinking but who are not included as recipients of the main message. Those who are more vulnerable to the physical effects of the illness itself, to the mental health effects of what is going on, or to the financial impacts, etc. deserve to be seen, heard, and included in our messaging. Let's give tips/suggestions/encouragement in a way that acknowledges upfront (rather than as an afterthought or side-note) that not everyone is similarly situated.
- Let's take the time to learn about each other's differing circumstances, perspectives and needs: A lot of us may be feeling helpless right now and not sure what we can do to help. There may be concrete steps we can take to help others right now and there have been uplifting stories about those who are doing amazing things in that regard. Another, often overlooked, way in which we can help others is not necessarily going to be something that can yield immediate results but it's still critically important. If we aren't able to get out there and directly help others right now, why not take the time now to educate ourselves about the experiences, perspectives and needs of differently-situated members of our society by seeking out content created by those directly affected for that purpose? Caring for others isn't just limited to what we can do in the here and now (although that's obviously very important whenever possible), but also can take time, attention and effort to truly see and learn from those around us so we can tailor our offers of comfort, support and assistance to what they actually need. So perhaps now would be a good time to learn about the experiences and needs of those who are more vulnerable/marginalized? This shouldn't be difficult to find via internet research. There are strong amazing people advocating eloquently on almost every platform on virtually every issue. So let's take the time to listen to them. Not only will this ensure that our "helping" measures when we do take them include everyone, but it will potentially help those who are often excluded to feel truly seen and valued, which could have immediate effects on morale and our shared sense of connection (assuming we do it respectfully and with a genuine sense of humility/interest).
- Let's reach out in the ways that are still possible: Once we've practiced truly seeing and listening to each other in the above way, the next step could be to reach out and ask those who may be more vulnerable how we can be there for them and support them. I vaguely recall there is a device many of us possess called a phone that offers some magical voice (and even video) connection-options. Maybe we could take the time to reach out to people we haven't spoken to in awhile to give them a sense of company and connection (thereby benefiting ourselves too). Maybe we can share cute/funny memes and videos (I highly recommend rescued baby bat videos!) with people just to let them know they haven't been forgotten and are in our thoughts. I don't have the answers as I'm by no means an expert in connecting, but as someone very isolated in my current circumstances, I just know how much it has helped me when some people have reached out to me in that way. So let's get creative in connecting and be sure to extend that not just to the people already in our circle but also to those who may otherwise be left out.
- Let's check in with people to see if they have what they need: These are scary times and a lot of people are afraid of what may happen next. Some people aren't necessarily comfortable reaching out to ask for what they may need, or may not have people to reach out to. So when we can, perhaps we could reach out to some people within (or on the periphery of, or outside) our circle, and ask the simple questions: "Do you have everything you need?" "Are you okay for supplies?" Perhaps they don't need anything, but it may give considerable comfort to know that someone is looking out for them, and cares if their needs are being met. And it can open the lines of communication to make them feel comfortable asking if they may need something in the future.
- Let's keep brainstorming together how we might be able to support each other and truly be in this together: As I indicated, I have no answers and the above suggestions are really very basic (though sometimes it's the simple things that can make all the difference). These are unprecedented times. The answer to how we can be there for each other won't necessarily be obvious. Going back to basics can surely help, but also we can draw on our collective creativity and compassion in finding new ways to connect, comfort and support each other.
As always, please note that I am a lawyer, not a mental health professional of any kind. I have no expertise in trauma or mental health. Also, please note that any opinions and views expressed in this blog are solely my own and are not intended to represent the views or opinions of my employer in any way. For more information about the purpose of this blog, please see here and for a bit more information about my personal perspective on this issue, please see "my story" here
I am very grateful to have received a "Clawbie" Award for this blog (which reflects the importance of this topic): https://www.clawbies.ca/2019-clawbies-canadian-law-blog-awards/
For some of my external writing on this topic, see:
- https://www.canadianlawyermag.com/news/opinion/a-more-inclusive-discussion-on-the-impact-of-trauma-on-lawyers-mental-health-is-needed/276166
- https://www.cbabc.org/BarTalk/Articles/2020/February/Features/Speaking-Up-About-Trauma-and-Mental-Health
- https://www.canadianlawyermag.com/news/opinion/changing-the-conversation/326240
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