As I pointed out in the article, this means consciously embracing a more expansive and inclusive understanding of what it means to be a lawyer. Many lawyers may come from positions of privilege and may have had very sheltered lives prior to entering the profession (although it should be emphasized that coming from a privileged background does not mean being immune to experiencing personal trauma). Such lawyers may experience the trauma to which they are vicariously exposed in their professional lives as a disruption of their previously enjoyed sense of innocence and safety. Thankfully, there has been a growing awareness (although still much work to do) on this phenomenon of vicarious trauma and the way in which it can impact lawyers even if they have never suffered from any personal trauma.
However, my point was and remains that this isn't the whole picture. Experiences of trauma are pervasive in our society and there are undoubtedly many among us who did not enter the profession with our innocence and sense of safety on these issues intact. There are many of us who struggled with and suffered from the impacts of trauma in a more personal way, perhaps from very early in life, or perhaps from some later stage. There are even those who experience their own personal trauma during law school or after being called to the bar. There are also those who have not personally suffered a particular traumatic event but whose lives have been deeply shaped by the trauma endured by their cultures and/or family members.
My voice on this issue is aimed at ensuring that we continue to raise awareness of the phenomenon of vicarious trauma and other lawyers' mental health issues, but do so in a manner that acknowledges (rather than erases) the diversity of ways in which lawyers' mental health can be impacted by trauma. My second--maybe even more important--goal is to ensure that anyone who may be struggling with these issues will not have to feel invisible or alone.
So that's what the goals were. But I have to be honest and say that I have struggled with significant doubts and fears about whether my voice on this issue can really make any difference.I know that these are things that someone needs to say. I'm just not sure if I'm the right person or if I'm doing it the right way.
First, I wonder if it detracts from my message that I have not opened up and shared my own "story" regarding what, if any, personal motivations I may have for raising this issue. There are many reasons for this. The first is that my whole point is that we shouldn't have to. This is an issue that should be attended to without those affected needing to speak up and share potentially very personal information about their own histories. In saying that, I am in no way diminishing how impressed I am with those who do have the courage to speak about their own experiences if they wish to do so and feel comfortable doing so. But, as has been said before, I don't feel any of us owes the world or the profession our stories. And for some of us sharing may not be a viable option: https://traumaandlawyersmentalhealth.blogspot.com/2019/07/sharing-personal-experiences-or-not.html
Second, even if my voice on this issue still has value despite the absence of personal details to lend it credibility, I am not particularly motivated to promote or amplify my own voice even if it is for a good cause. Although I would really like to find ways for the message to reach a larger audience (because I view the message as so important or necessary), I hesitate to appear self-promoting or attention-seeking. If I can reach a larger audience, then what I'd like to do is set up a community that is more collaborative, so that we can come together and brainstorm answers to these difficult questions, share resources, and support each other.
Third, I'm aware that even though I have personal insight into this issue and do feel I have important things to say and discussion points to raise, I know that I'm in no position to represent the full range of diverse viewpoints that needs to be heard on this issue. While there are many ways in which my background could not be characterized as privileged, I'm also aware that I come from a privileged perspective in many other ways. I really want to be cautious not to attempt to speak for everyone or crowd out any voices on this issue from other backgrounds. These are difficult things to write about and I'm constantly afraid that I might inadvertently be excluding or misrepresenting another perspective that needs and deserves to be heard.
For now, I'm at a loss as to whether to continue. Sometimes it feels like I'm writing into a void, and the process makes me feel even more alienated and alone on this issue. Yet, for now at least, all I keep thinking is that if there is even one person out there who reads this, now or at some future date, and feels less alone, then it was worth it. Or one person with the power to make decisions about this issue who is prompted to approach it in a more inclusive way, and thereby helps make someone struggling feel less alone....
So for now, I'll very tentatively keep this little experiment alive. I'm not sure I would call it a success, but at least I can say I'm trying.
As always, please note that I am a lawyer, not a mental health professional of any kind. I have no expertise in trauma or mental health. Also, please note that any opinions and views expressed in this blog are solely my own and are not intended to represent the views or opinions of my employer in any way. For more information about the purpose of this blog, please see here and for a bit more information about my personal perspective on this issue, please see "my story" here
I am very grateful to have received a "Clawbie" Award for this blog (which reflects the importance of this topic): https://www.clawbies.ca/2019-clawbies-canadian-law-blog-awards/
For some of my external writing on this topic, see:
- https://www.canadianlawyermag.com/news/opinion/a-more-inclusive-discussion-on-the-impact-of-trauma-on-lawyers-mental-health-is-needed/276166
- https://www.cbabc.org/BarTalk/Articles/2020/February/Features/Speaking-Up-About-Trauma-and-Mental-Health
- https://www.canadianlawyermag.com/news/opinion/changing-the-conversation/326240
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