Saturday, July 27, 2019

To Those Who May Be Struggling...

Hi there:

I'm Crystal, and I've been a lawyer since 2005.

I don't know who you are, but if you're reading this, perhaps it's because you're struggling. Maybe a little bit or maybe a lot.

Maybe you're a brand new lawyer, feeling super excited about the career that lies ahead of you, but afraid that you won't know how to cope with all the stress and worried that if you show your true self or reveal your fears and limitations, you will be judged as too different, vulnerable or inadequate. Or perhaps you've been at this a long time, and always felt confident and virtually invulnerable before, but now the strain of all the conflict and trauma you've been exposed to over the years is beginning to eat away at you and you don't really recognize yourself anymore. Or maybe you're just starting to think about the possibility of going to law school, but you've already had such a difficult start in life. You're working so hard just to keep afloat and are not really sure if you can manage the pressures of such a difficult profession or if you can fit in with people who have enjoyed so many more privileges in life than you have.

With respect to trauma in particular (the subject of this blog), maybe you're one of the many people  who have personally experienced a traumatic event, and maybe it has continued to affect you long afterwards despite your desire to just get over it. Or perhaps you feel you already did move past it but can't understand why it is suddenly affecting you again. Or, instead of one traumatic event that stands out for you, you may have a history of many such experiences, possibly starting from early in life, which made you very vulnerable to experiencing further trauma later on. Or maybe you experienced trauma during law school or after joining the profession (perhaps even at the hands of a classmate or a colleague). Or maybe you haven't personally experienced a traumatic event, but have been deeply affected by the trauma your family members or culture have had to endure. You may also have been traumatized by discrimination, e.g., as a result of gender, race, disability, sexual orientation, and/or poverty. Or maybe you had every advantage in life and experienced little if any trauma prior to becoming a lawyer, but your worldview and sense of safety have been shaken by the incredible trauma to which you have been exposed through your work and you're not sure how to handle it.

Whatever your personal circumstances, perhaps you are fortunate enough to have some helpful sources of support available for you to draw on when you need them. Or, unfortunately, maybe you've tried to reach out before but were further traumatized by the unhelpful responses of those you thought you could trust. Or perhaps you are only now beginning to realize the impact on you of what you've experienced and you're not sure where to turn. Maybe you are actively in the process of seeking help or still at the stage where you feel too afraid or confused to do so.

Whoever you are, I have to admit that I'm really scared to address you directly in this way. I don't know exactly what you're dealing with and I have no mental health expertise to guide you. I don't want to say the wrong thing, or inadvertently make things harder for you in any way. I have no answers, but as your colleague or future colleague, I do care. I want you to get the help and support that you need, whatever that may be, although I know that it's not always easy and it may feel like there are many obstacles in your way. Sometimes it might feel like no one else could understand your history, your challenges and your fears. I can certainly understand why you might feel that way.

People with expertise in addressing these issues do exist, and I encourage you to seek them out, and then reach out for help in whatever way you can. At some point, I may post a list of suggested resources, but I have so far hesitated to do so, because I am very aware of my lack of expertise and don't want to send someone in the wrong direction or fail to include a resource that could really help. That having been said, I think I will try to post such a list of possible resources at some point just to get people started, but not until I've had some time to do a bit of further research. In that regard, I would welcome suggestions from anyone who may know more about this than I do...

While I can't give mental health advice, I can tell you that you aren't alone and the fact that you may be struggling does not invalidate the contributions you have made or will make to the profession. I've been around long enough to know that many people struggle among us and sometimes feel alone, maybe not in the exact same way as you, but in their own unique ways, often resulting in them doubting and questioning themselves as you may be doing. My hope is that we can find ways to better support each other in the midst of these challenges. Struggles are inevitable in life and in our profession in particular, but we can minimize their impact (e.g., by eliminating the needlessly harsh aspects of the profession) and make it easier for each other to recover when things get bad (e.g., by providing better supports). My view is that a culture shift is needed, and I'm really hoping that we can start a discussion that moves in that direction.

I don't have any perfect solutions (although I have some thoughts and opinions for whatever that's worth), but I want you to know that there is room for you to excel in our profession if that's what feels healthy and right for you. In my view, the legal profession needs the voices of people like you, who know what it's like to face and overcome adversity in various ways. So if there's anything that can be done to improve your chances of thriving as a lawyer without having to sacrifice your health and happiness in the process, I hope we can collectively work at improving our professional culture to best make that happen.

So here's what I'm hoping. I'm hoping we can all start to talk about this more often, and that we can turn our minds to creating a professional culture that allows everyone to feel as comfortable as possible participating in such a discussion. If there's something we can  do to better support and connect with each other, I want us to do whatever we can to help make that happen. It's definitely not something I have the power to do on my own, but after nearly a decade and a half as a lawyer I'm finally speaking up and trying to do my part to help change the culture and brainstorm solutions in whatever way I can.

Anyway, I don't know who you are, but I'm happy that you're here. If you decide that this path is still right for you, I have every confidence that you will help make the profession a better place through the amazing contributions you are undoubtedly very capable of making. I just don't want it to have to happen at the expense of your health and well-being.

As always, please note that I am a lawyer, not a mental health professional of any kind. I have no expertise in trauma or mental health. Also, please note that any opinions and views expressed in this blog are solely my own and are not intended to represent the views or opinions of my employer in any way. For more information about the purpose of this blog, please see here and for a bit more information about my personal perspective on this issue, please see "my story" here

I am very grateful to have received a "Clawbie" Award for this blog (which reflects the importance of this topic): https://www.clawbies.ca/2019-clawbies-canadian-law-blog-awards/

For some of my external writing on this topic, see:  




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