Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Encouraging People To Reach Out Vs. Letting Them Know It's Not Their Fault If They Have a Bad Experience

In calling attention to issues like trauma and mental health, I regularly struggle with one issue in particular. On the one hand, it's so important to ensure that those who need help feel empowered to reach out for support. I never want to scare someone away from taking that really important step, and I often fear that me speaking out about the ways in which I feel our profession (and society in general) falls short on this issue might sometimes have that deterrent effect.

On the other hand, I'm torn because, as sad as it is to say, I know that sometimes people do have bad experiences. Sometimes people reach out for help and are not supported and in fact are sometimes even betrayed by those whom they believe they can trust. And I want to make sure that people know that if that happens to them it doesn't mean that something is wrong with them. Nor are they alone in having that experience. The world sometimes really sucks. When it comes to trauma and mental health, sometimes people can be fortunate and have really good supportive experiences and other times the exercise of reaching out can, sadly, be re-traumatizing.

I previously wrote a bit about the tension between encouraging people to seek help vs. being realistic about what level of support actually exists here.

I hate to have to say it, but I can't be a beacon of positivity on this issue. Throughout the years, I've had some very damaging experiences when speaking up and reaching out (as I to some extent described here and here). Those negative experiences were deeply upsetting and have had a long-term impact on me. I don't feel it serves anyone to pretend that the world is never unkind to trauma survivors in that way. To be honest, I do wonder if sometimes maybe it is just something wrong with me and the way I raise these issues (a common thing for those who have experienced trauma to be predisposed to feel about themselves, as I understand it), but I still need to speak out for the benefit of anyone else who has the same experiences and wonders the same thing about themselves.

So I'm not really sure how to approach the issue except by being as honest and real as I can be. I want people who need support to feel comfortable in reaching out. This is especially important because often the fears that prevent people from seeking help are not warranted (and may even be symptoms of their illness). In many cases, these fears could be overcome and proven to have been unfounded if those who are suffering could just muster up the courage to take that first step. So we absolutely need to encourage people to feel safe in doing this.

But I also think we need to be real about the fact that this involves a frightening leap of faith and it's not enough to just encourage people to disregard their fears and jump. We also have to be ready with a strategy to support those who unfortunately do not receive helpful and supportive responses. We have to be ready to tell people both beforehand and afterwards that if this happens to them, we will validate and support them, not deny the reality of what they experienced. We need to be ready to face some difficult truths about ourselves and our failings to meaningfully be there for those who might have no option but to risk an unpleasant result in taking the necessary step of seeking help. We also need to do this, so that we can attend to what we need to try to change so that fewer people will be met with unsupportive and/or harmful responses. We can't do this necessary work if our only message is "reach out and it will be okay." Sometimes it isn't okay. Sometimes we as a profession and culture fall profoundly short of being as trauma-informed, culturally-sensitive, accessible, etc. as we must be to actually help those who need it. I want to encourage people to seek the help they need, but not at the cost of gas-lighting them and invalidating the terrible experiences many have when they try to do just that.

So I will keep being as hopeful and encouraging as I can be, tempered always by a commitment to honesty and solidarity with those who suffer. And I will keep calling attention not just to what those who are suffering can do to seek the support they need and deserve, but also what we as a society and profession must do to ensure that we don't fail and/or betray them when they do so.

It's definitely a delicate balance. I don't know if my approach is the right one. As I said, I struggle with it so much because I don't want to dissuade anyone from seeking support. I would welcome anyone else's thoughts about a better way to strike that balance (either generally or in relation to any particular topic), if one exists...

As always, please note that I am a lawyer, not a mental health professional of any kind. I have no expertise in trauma or mental health. Also, please note that any opinions and views expressed in this blog are solely my own and are not intended to represent the views or opinions of my employer in any way. For more information about the purpose of this blog, please see here and for a bit more information about my personal perspective on this issue, please see "my story" here

I am very grateful to have received a "Clawbie" Award for this blog (which reflects the importance of this topic): https://www.clawbies.ca/2019-clawbies-canadian-law-blog-awards/

For some of my external writing on this topic, see:  
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