Silence, Caution, and Self-Care

In yesterday's post, impulsively written after I had awakened from a restless couple hours of sleep at 3:30 a.m., I reflected a bit about my experience of openly sharing the fact of my personal trauma history for the first time, and what it felt like to be faced with the cultural phenomenon of silence in relation to this issue in such a vulnerable moment.

I do want to be clear about one thing, though: in addressing the cultural phenomenon of silence, I'm in no way suggesting that anyone who happens to read this should feel any pressure or obligation to speak openly about trauma if they have their own personal vulnerabilities in that regard. As I've previously written, I absolutely understand that these are incredibly difficult experiences to navigate and I understand why many people may not feel ready or able to share. I myself have very carefully protected my own privacy and revealed very little about my own history for most of my life out of fear of the personal and professional consequences of sharing. Even now when I have been writing about trauma and mental health publicly for a few months, it took a lot out of me to even be willing to confirm the simple fact of having my own history, and even more so to admit to having suffered substantial health consequences as a result. But I'm on a mission to bring this subject matter out of the darkness in this profession, so I weighed the costs to me (which are significant) against the costs of remaining silent and decided to finally speak anyway.

What I would say to anyone else who is struggling with these experiences is this: protect yourself, do what feels right for you, and don't succumb to pressures to speak (or read) about these things if you don't feel ready. That isn't to say you shouldn't reach out and try to speak to someone (e.g., a professional with whom you feel comfortable, who is competent in treating trauma) if these things are affecting you, but it isn't my role to advise people on when and how to do that. All I can say is that from my perspective as someone who is raising this issue, I don't intend it as a call to action for individuals who have similar experiences, unless that happens to be what they personally wish for, choose to participate in and feel ready for.

What I am addressing is the professional and social culture that surrounds this issue, and makes it very difficult for those to speak about it who might actually wish to and need to. It is this cultural dimension that I feel we need to examine and dismantle. So if this topic is just too triggering for you as an individual such that it threatens your health as a survivor of trauma to engage with this issue, and you fear revealing too much about yourself if you say anything, then please do whatever is necessary to protect yourself, including remaining silent for as long as it serves you to do so. This doesn't need to be everyone's fight and I want people to care for themselves.

But for those (especially in positions of power and authority) who do have the ability to engage with this issue, but just decline to do so because it isn't pleasant, convenient or comfortable, I am in fact making a call to action. I am asking you to  put some real thought and research into what you can do to help remove the barriers for those who suffer from our culture of silence and secrecy in relation to trauma so that these issues can be addressed and people who have experienced trauma can have the freedom to choose to speak out if they wish to (or be silent if they don't). In short, I am calling on us as a profession to be sure that we address lawyer wellness in a trauma-informed way.

I just wanted to make that clarification because sometimes impulsively written 3:30 a.m thoughts can be taken the wrong way. I was writing about the phenomenon of silence regarding trauma and my experience of it but I wasn't calling anyone out for also feeling the pressures of that culturally enforced silence. I totally get it. I'm just saying that we as a profession and as a culture need to find a way to do better on this issue so that it won't have to feel that way. But that task falls upon those of us who are ready, not those of us whose health or well-being might be endangered by entering the discussion when they aren't ready to do so.

Also, if anyone would like to say in anything in response to these posts, but is afraid of speaking openly, please feel free to message me privately.

As always, please note that I am a lawyer, not a mental health professional of any kind. I have no expertise in trauma or mental health. Also, please note that any opinions and views expressed in this blog are solely my own and are not intended to represent the views or opinions of my employer in any way. For more information about the purpose of this blog, please see here and for a bit more information about my personal perspective on this issue, please see "my story" here

I am very grateful to have received a "Clawbie" Award for this blog (which reflects the importance of this topic): https://www.clawbies.ca/2019-clawbies-canadian-law-blog-awards/

For some of my external writing on this topic, see:  

• https://www.canadianlawyermag.com/news/opinion/a-more-inclusive-discussion-on-the-impact-of-trauma-on-lawyers-mental-health-is-needed/276166 
• https://www.cbabc.org/BarTalk/Articles/2020/February/Features/Speaking-Up-About-Trauma-and-Mental-Health    
• https://www.canadianlawyermag.com/news/opinion/changing-the-conversation/326240