Wednesday, September 25, 2019

You're Still You (A Quick Note for Those Who Are Suffering)

Hi there:

This is another note from me to anyone who may be struggling. Maybe you're being really hard on yourself and you don't want to face the fact that you may have a trauma-and/or-mental-health related problem. Maybe you fear it will change everything about who you are.

So here are just a few quick points from me to you:
  • You've already accomplished so much (by getting into law school, graduating law school, being called to the bar, practicing law, and/or whatever your unique achievements happen to be). Nothing that happens now takes that away from you. In fact, you have every reason to be incredibly proud of yourself for accomplishing all that despite what you've been dealing with.
  • If you seek help and/or show yourself compassion, you won't be erasing those achievements. They're still there waiting for you to build on them whenever you're ready. If you show yourself some kindness and get the help you deserve, there's every reason to believe that you can accomplish even more (assuming that's what you want, which is totally up to you. Maybe, as you heal and gain more clarity about what you want from life, you will choose different goals and that's okay too). If you've achieved so much carrying such a heavy burden, then just imagine what you can do after you work on increasing your ability to carry it and/or reduce its weight or eliminate it entirely!
When I was first faced with an actual mental health diagnosis (PTSD), I had many moments of panicky regret, like it was a Pandora's Box I should never have opened. I wished I had never reached out because there was no going back to pretending that I was someone who had never had a mental health diagnosis. I flashed forward to all the ways in which my entire future could be changed by it, the ways in which my career and personal life could be limited, and all the boxes I would now have to check on forms, etc. But a friend told me exactly what I needed to hear, "You're still the same person you were yesterday. Nothing about this changes who you are." So now I'm telling it to you (whoever you are) in case you need to hear it too.

Yes, there can be stigma associated with trauma and mental health. It's definitely not always easy to deal with these things, and society has a long way to go in properly supporting those who need it. But as lawyers we have chosen a life of advocating for those who need a voice. If you choose to face what you are dealing with and feel up for a little advocacy, then you may find great meaning in doing so not only on your own behalf but also on behalf of others who are struggling.  But again that's totally up to you whether that works for you. At the very least perhaps you can employ some of those advocacy skills internally to remind yourself of all that you've achieved and all the ways in which facing your issues can open up new paths for you or enhance your ability to continue on the path you've already successfully traveled.

Regardless of what happens and how you decide to deal with it, you are still you. You still have the power to make choices about the life you want and the means you choose to pursue it in the face of whatever you may be dealing with. Yes, those choices will be constrained to some extent by circumstances beyond your control (which is the same for everyone), but you can use all the strengths and skills that got you this far, and also add new ones to make you even stronger and more resilient than before.

Not sure if anyone needed to hear that. I can't promise that I'm always good at remembering it myself (I'm super-terrible at it, actually), but I thought I'd reach out in case anyone out there is being as hard on themselves as I often am.

As always, please note that I am a lawyer, not a mental health professional of any kind. I have no expertise in trauma or mental health. Also, please note that any opinions and views expressed in this blog are solely my own and are not intended to represent the views or opinions of my employer in any way. For more information about the purpose of this blog, please see here and for a bit more information about my personal perspective on this issue, please see "my story" here

I am very grateful to have received a "Clawbie" Award for this blog (which reflects the importance of this topic): https://www.clawbies.ca/2019-clawbies-canadian-law-blog-awards/

For some of my external writing on this topic, see:  


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